Barman Night Before Christmas

'Twas the shift before Christmas and all through the bar,
Not a patron was standing; they all were ajar.

The time cards were hung by the time clock with care,
In hopes that we'd soon get the Hell out of there.

No night to be working, we had places to be.
Wives, husbands, and loved ones, our families to see.

Perhaps we'd close early; business was slow.
Why were they still here? Why didn't they go?

At last the bar folk started emptying out,
To everyone working here was little doubt;

The shift nearly over, it was time to go.
Shinaka had the key ready, the CLOSED sign in tow.

When out in the parking lot, there arose such a clatter.
I sprang from the bar to see what was the matter.

We looked at each other; it couldn't be true,
In walked all the bad tippers we ever knew.

A long line of them led by Kel and the Locals,
The dregs of society, these slack jawed yokels

The guys, how they'd guzzle; the girls, how they'd sip,
And not a soul in the crowd would leave a good tip.

Then they all shouted out what we'd dreaded to hear;
"Come now barman bring some more beer"

"And JD and coke!" "Johnny Walker too!"
"And vodka!" "and gin!" "I’m begging of you!"

They giggled and danced and spilled drinks on the floor.
They ordered up jug after jug, we knew what was in store.

They dragged out their stay, they won’t be leaving soon.
I thought to myself, "They'll be here till June.

But what of the Licensee where was he hiding
There was no one in which he was confiding

Not in the office or bar would he stay
We just had to face it he was MIA

"Last call!" I yelled, though it wasn't quite true.
But the crowd wasn't fooled; they ordered more brew

Then slowly they made their way to the door.
Except for the few that we scraped off the floor.

We locked the door fast and cleaned up the bar,
Then everyone ran out to jump in his car.

But I stopped them all cold with a cough,
Saying "Merry Christmas to all and to all a day off!"